Real story of depression in Singapore
He is happy that he failed
By Veena Bharwani
THERE is an unusual skip in John's steps these days. It reflects the 17-year-old's positive outlook on life.
Yet, just a year ago, he was a pale, darker version of himself. John had tried to kill himself seven times - twice by overdosing on medication and five times by cutting his wrists.
Today, he is so glad he failed.
John was so positive about his recovery that he was willing to have his real name and face published. But we are not doing so because he is still undergoing counselling and may be vulnerable.
He said: "I was so depressed last year. I really just wanted to die. I tried so many ways to end my life, but I'm so glad I failed and I'm alive and well today.
"(Life's) really a gift."
Many others were not so fortunate to have found a new lease on life. Suicides hit a high last year - especially among young people.
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS), a volunteer group dedicated to suicide prevention, released figures on Monday showing that the suicide rate rose from 8.76 per 100,000 residents in 2008 to 9.35 last year as Singapore battled the recession.
Startlingly, suicides among those in the 10 to 19 age bracket also reached a six-year high last year, with 19 taking their own lives compared with 12 in 2008.
Like many teenagers, John had issues with himself and his sense of belonging in school.
"I really struggled to find out who I was. I felt that no one really loved me. I really just wanted to be loved."
In 2008, he had a traumatic encounter with a stranger and a few bad encounters with others in his life. John gradually sank into depression. He couldn't connect with his family and friends.
"I was just lost. I just didn't know how to find my way back."
Slowly, he stopped talking to his friends in school and kept to himself.
Too depressed to leave home, he stopped attending school, missing classes for two years from 2008 to last year.
He is now repeating Secondary 3 for the second time.
He began counselling and taking anti-depressants.
He said: "I didn't think life was worth living. My parents tried to help me but I was too lost to be helped. I also thought they didn't really care about me."
In late 2008, he began thinking about suicide.
"I didn't see the point in living. I thought it best to end my life."
One afternoon, when he was alone at home, he swallowed more than 20 anti-depressants. Luckily, nothing serious happened and he managed to expel all the pills by vomiting. This happened twice.
He also tried to cut his wrist five times. Each time, he hid his attempt under wrist bands so his mother wouldn't notice the scars.
He tried other ways to end his life too.
"I even tried to jaywalk on busy streets, hoping a car would knock me down and kill me. I was really in a deep and dark place."
His mother, Madam Yeo, 50, a bus attendant, said it was hard watching her only son's struggle.
She said in Mandarin through a translator: "I felt helpless watching him go through that. I tried to talk to him but nothing was working."
John said: "We fought a lot as I thought she didn't care about me."
Life for the teenager was bleak until the end of last year, when he started talking to counsellor Jean Chen at Care Corner's Counselling Centre.
Depression lifted
He said: "She started making me see the effect I have on the people closest to me. If I end my life, what will happen to my parents?
"They suffer too. I didn't want them to go through that. That was when I decided it was time to change."
He felt the cloud of depression lifting.
"I have started to think about what I want to do in my life - focus on my future and leave the past behind me.
"I was being selfish before. My life is not only about me," he said.
Said Ms Chen: "He's definitely doing well and is definitely a success story. He missed close to two years of school because he was battling depression.
"He's not only had to catch up in school but also to get used to new classmates and try to bond with them. Not having a sense of belonging for young people is very hard. But he is coping well."
He's engaging more with those around him.
Said John: "I used to have my head down when I walked, now I tilt my head up high and smile when I walk.
Smiling, he added: "Life is too short. We must cherish every moment. Those who feel down must always remember this."
SOS 24-hour hotline: 1800-221 4444 or email pat@samaritansorg.sg
Care Corner's Counselling Centre hotline: 1800-3535-800 (Mandarin), from 10am-10pm
Call 6353-1180 for a face-to-face appointment
This article was first published in The New Paper..
Taken from AsiaOne
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